Men, the #metoo movement should reawaken us to who we were made to be
Some of us may have seen the statistics: somewhere around 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused before the age of 18, and even more in adulthood. Those are astonishing statistics. That means if you’re in a room with 100 people, about 20 were sexually abused at some point in their lives. But we don’t talk about it much. It’s not a comfortable topic. And even when we do, it’s hard to get these huge numbers off paper and imagine them in the real world.
Recently, the #metoo movement has finally brought those statistics to life. Powerful figure after powerful figure is falling, and even the President isn’t immune. Of course, most of the perpetrators are men, and most of the victims are women. There’s something about a man in a position of power over women that seems to breed this kind of behavior. It’s an alarming series of revelations that it seems has been a long time coming.
There’s been a variety of responses to this. A distressing number of people have responded along political lines, defending those whose politics they agree with and condemning those they don’t. Some have focused on the hypothetical more than the actual, fearing that innocent men will be falsely accused and convicted in the court of public opinion. And others have basically said that all men are pigs that do pig-like things, and that there’s something about masculinity that’s harmful (or “toxic”). Even some men have taken this view, and agreed that masculinity is somehow inherently dangerous — basically apologizing for being men.
The thing we need to understand about this is that real men are not abusers. Men don’t abuse women because they’re men. Men do these things as a result of their failure to be men. So this is a wake-up call for us men to remember what God designed men to be.
Men should be strong. Physically, the average man is significantly stronger than the average woman, and that alone plays a factor in how we relate to one another. Stemming from that, though, masculinity has long been associated with strength, and the Bible links them together as well (cf. Prov 20:29). Whether this mindset is generally inherent or taught by culture, the fact is that it has a substantial effect on our interactions. Complementarians (which I would say I am) would say that God designed for men to use that strength to play the leadership role in a marriage relationship, in order to reflect the relationship between Christ and the church. The thing is, strength can be used one of two ways. It can make people afraid, or it can make them feel safe. Men have a long and shameful history of using their strength to make women feel afraid, and that’s exactly what happened in most of the stories that are now coming to light. Some have suggested that men should basically be ashamed of their strength and shrink back and weakly apologize for some sort of “toxic masculinity.” That’s not the answer. The answer is to use our strength rightly, to help women feel safe.
I am not saying all women are weak and need men’s protection. I’m saying what needs to happen in today’s environment is for women to know they can trust men, particularly men in high positions. Before any show of external strength means much, we need to show that we have an internal strength that leads us to live truly righteous and honorable lives.
Men should be recognizers of beauty. There’s a reason we call women “the fairer sex.” Men have a unique kind of strength, and women have a unique kind of beauty. God designed men to recognize feminine beauty. “But wait,” some might say, “aren’t the roving eyes of men part of the problem?” Yes, and they are the eyes of men who fail to recognize beauty. That’s what we do when we lust: We stare beauty right in the face and blindly don’t see anything more than flesh. When we really recognize beauty, we act totally differently. Case in point: If God is the epitome of everything good, then he is also the epitome of beauty. Yet we wouldn’t dare treat God or even think of God like men sometimes lust after women. We respond to God’s beauty with respect and reverence. If God’s beauty makes him worthy of respect, certainly the beauty of his daughters makes them worthy of respect. We show this respect by loving and cherishing our wives, as those with whom we have a relationship of mutual belonging. We do this with other women by recognizing that they have that relationship of mutual belonging with someone else, and/or to the Lord himself, and we don’t audaciously presume to encroach on that relationship in our actions or thoughts. When we treat women respectfully, as sisters in the human race (or sisters in Christ), we show that we truly recognize beauty.
Men should be responsible. As I mentioned, I think God designed men to be leaders. If that’s true, then as in every kind of relationship, the leader has a greater responsibility than the one being led. We understand this very well when it comes to other kinds of relationships, but for some strange reason, some men who gladly embrace the reins of leadership in every other area of their lives are quick to pass off responsibility to women when it comes to sexual misbehavior. Too many men blame their conduct on the woman, making the excuse that she tempted him, or was irresistible, or some other blame-shifting phrase. But if God made men to take the lead, then he made men to be responsible. Responsible people don’t make that kind of excuse. Nor do responsible people abuse a relationship. We are responsible not just for listening when someone says no, but for taking the initiative to act righteously in our relationships. This applies in every relationship, not just those with women.
Men should be protectors. If we adhere to the first three character traits, then being strong and responsible means confronting evil when it’s in our midst. Men must be willing to do that. People should know that we won’t let unrighteous conduct go by unopposed. There were countless men in these scandals who did just that, and forsook their role as men. Making other people feel safe means using our strength against those who do evil, being courageous enough to confront it and those who do it, and see that justice is done.
Men should be outreachers. We can’t stop all the evil in the world. Sometimes all we can do is extend whatever comfort and assistance and compassion we have to those who have been victimized. And we should do that with all our hearts. We must be outreachers to comfort the hurting and offer them any kind of help they need. And once justice is done, there may even be one of us put in a position to reach out to an abuser and tell him about the grace of God that neither we nor they deserve.
If we are really men, we will strive for these things. Of course, these are not exclusively masculine qualities, but I emphasize them this way because I am thinking of what I and my fellow men should be. We must not withdraw and close our eyes to the evil around us. We need to engage with this world and confront the reality of evil in it, and do what we can — even though it’s not much — to combat it, and to spread the gospel. We will exercise strength in how we conduct ourselves and how we manage our thoughts. We will strive to confront and defeat evil. We will reach out to those in need. And we will fight the evil around us and the evil that still remains within ourselves.
